Six days or a cool 6.03 billion shares ‘traded’ later, Thresher Industries came out with another announcement stating the company’s board of directors approved the sale of the company, “for a price of $0.01 for all outstanding shares.” At least at that point, investors were reassured that the number of shares issued and outstanding did not exceed the authorized 10B.

Approaching the end of April, Olde Monmouth Stock Transfer Company, Inc., Thresher Industries’ designated Transfer Agent, informed inquisitive shareholders that the number of shares issued and outstanding is in the neighborhood or 11.65B, only a little over double the count recorded at the beginning of this year (5.32B). Chief Evading Officer, worthy of Chief Prevaricating Officer, Tom Flessner, informed investors on Thursday that the close to the ‘sale’ of the company would be postponed yet another two weeks due to an untimely illness the executive ‘caught’. Fortunately, shareholders were advised that should they gather the courage to contact the company regarding the brilliant buyout activity now spanning over 7 weeks, their call would not be received.

With $5,627 in cash on Thresher Industries’ balance sheet as of December 31st, 2009, Flessner has some creative work ahead of him. Although no formal statement has been issued as of yet, CEO Tom Flessner saved money by switching his insurance provider to Geico.

The brilliance of the Over-the-Counter stock market is that miracles do happen. Every so often comes along an anonymous bidder willing to offer to buyout a fantastic company for over $100M, overlooking a miniscule $11.3M in retained losses, and a compelling $2.93M in shareholder deficit. But we reserve judgment because ‘one man’s trash is another man’s treasure’.

Aren’t these babies simply just kick-ass?

The following is simply a Just for Laughs article that is intended to bring about a giggle. Enjoy!

Tired of being a successful investor? By following these rules, you can return to your humble roots and make your less wealthy friends tolerate your company again:

1. Believe in the “Experts”

Why should you do your own stock research when there are “experts” around to do all the work for you? If Jim Cramer thinks Starbucks is going to be hot, just reach for your wallet! Or, if your wealthy brother-in-law knows of a great high-tech IPO, write down the name on a cocktail napkin and call your stock broker in the morning. After all, if they’re so smart, why aren’t they rich?

2. Hire Your Own Personal “Expert”

Speaking of stock broker, we strongly recommend hiring someone to make your investment decisions and transactions for you. After all, if you want to lose your shirt in the stock market, one of the best ways to get the job done is to pay a lot of money in fees and commissions. That way, you take on all the risk yourself, are completely dependent on someone else, and any pesky returns wind up funding your stock broker’s vacation trip to Tahiti, not yours.

3. Rely on Your “Inner Knowledge”

You know those investors who research trends and movements in different industries before they select stocks to invest in? Go ahead and scoff at them. You don’t need book knowledge – just a couple of hunches mixed together with a gut feeling and stirred up with a healthy dose of confidence. While you’re at it, toss your stock analysis software out the window. After all, you already know how to lose your shirt at the horse track (just bet on “Hot Chocolate” in the first race, and “Footy Pajamas” in the second race, because they bring up such fond childhood memories). How hard could it be to achieve the same results in the stock market?

4. Be Optimistic

In the stock market, it’s best to look on the bright side of life, so get out that sunny disposition! We strongly recommend telling yourself affirmations in the mirror every morning (“I am a masterful stock market investor, and dog-gone-it, people like me”) and maybe giving your portfolio a pep talk every now and then, too. Because if you want to lose your shirt, attitude is everything, right?

5. Buy High and Sell Low

It’s no fun to buy when everyone is selling. You feel like, “What kind of fool am I?” On the other hand, when the market is hot, and everyone is in the buy, buy, buy mood, that’s definitely the time to buy. You’ll be sure to lose your shirt when you are forced to sell at a tenth of the price.

6. Turn up your nose at index funds. All of them.

Index funds are for wimps. That includes exchange traded funds, too, like the QQQ. After all, index funds are basically a passive way to achieve the same returns as the market over all, with low overhead. And that’s not what you want, is it?

7. Put all your money in the same basket

If you love robotics, or biotechnology, be sure to invest only in those stocks. And while we’re talking about the same basket, make sure that you not only invest in the same industry, but that you only invest in stocks. None of this diversification nonsense, or a portfolio that includes bonds and cash.

Use these tips and not only will you find out whether your spouse really loves you, you might also land yourself in a lower tax bracket. (Take that, Uncle Sam!)

This is a guest post written by Jim Gianoglio of High Growth Stock Investor. Find out how the HGSI stock tracking and stock portfolio software can help you make informed investing decisions.

I searched deep through the ‘investment closet’ for the most unusual stock symbols. Finding some really hilarious ones, I decided to share them with you… hopefully igniting some giggles along the way! There’s no doubt these companies were shocked when they received their symbol from the exchange. I encourage you to click through to find out what the company really does (some of them you will recognize). If there is no link provided, the company either failed in the past couple years or had their ticker symbol changed (can you blame them?).

While reading these… Try to think of any symbols or companies with funny names that you may know of and share them in the comments section!

AFL.BO Invest in your favorite football locker room
BYO.AX Sounds like a logger party
CHIC The trendy stock
CRZY A highly volatile stock
CTCO.NS City thugs want your money!
GEEK Gotta have something to counter the CHIC stock
DABU.NS Forget Saturday Night Lives “da-bulls” and “da-bears”
BNCO.NS At least they are honest about the way they run their business
EMCO.NS More cons that are up front about their identity
FUN Stock investing can be fun and games
FUSEX No explanation needed here
GASEX The anti-flatulent mutual fund
GODD Now people can invest directly for future sins
HIT Be careful… you may take a hit with this stock
HUMP Forget pump and dump stock schemes
ICSEX Much better than seeing dead people. Alternative meaning: making love in Alaska
IMAN For the gender biased investor
INSEX This fund sees a lot of movement
LESS.BO Must be an F-F (female to female) company or an anti-perspirant company
LMNE Short this one because it is sure to go bad
LUV What’s love got to do with it?
MAN For the gender biased investor
ONE.TO The stock that likes to count
MORE.BO A stock that is sure to make you sweat
MRB.SN Every company needs a good BS-er, this one even named the company after him
MRFIX When your portfolio breaks, add this mutual fund
PNSEX The freaky golden shower mutual fund
RATIX Forget dog ticks, get the New York sewer variety
RATL Must be a baby toy manufacturer
SRRY Our apologies if you invested in this stock
URI The stock with multiple personalities
WMNXX Playboy’s favorite money market fund
WSOb This hot stock goes well with sushi